Monday, 2 November 2009

na na na na na na na na na na

You know, fingers in ears, making a noise so you can't hear.

Its funny when a person does that, but when a large corporation does it, its just sad, and when its a major communications company!!!

We can add notes to update a fault report, sensible. We can close faults if they need closing, sensible. But look, new technology so new fault systems, so design it differently.

Key new features:-

1. Reporter cannot close the fault until it is cleared back to them for retest.
2. Reporter can however add notes, so notes like "problem sorted you can close it now".

Next step: tell staff that it is official policy to ignore the notes put on by ISP, but don't tell the ISPs this!!!

Next step: make the system itself ignore the notes (and make the system tell the ISP this).

OK, so we email in the notes that are rejected, typically things like "looks OK now, thanks, you can close it"...

Oh, and just for fun, make it so the system will keep faults for days, weeks, even months, without sending back for retest ever. This stops any new faults being reported so saves a lot of hassle for telco!

Obviously that is bad for service level guarantee, so make the clock stop at 39 hours and 36 minutes on a 40 hour target as well. Then no payout (even if only about £1.50) as not over 40 hours.

Next step: stop taking any notice of the ISP emailing in notes now. Ignore emails and then ask the ISP to stop sending then.

WTF!!!!

What next.

Well, our plan is to FAX the update in a letter automatically to their registered office addressed to the company secretary. See if they start ignoring at that level..

What comes after that I wonder? Recorded delivery letters to the managing director's home address?

Maybe just send the boys round would be the answer but we don't do business like that, honest.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrg!

5 comments:

  1. Fax could get pricy, unless you can find a way to route it over BT's internal VOIP (assuming they have one).

    I can't wait for the day you send 10,000 recorded delivery letters to the MD though :p

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  2. Random ideas:

    - all fault reports combined, duplex printing, recycled paper with the tree icon at bottom, in small presentation box, delivered by same day courier, signed for
    - provide an API to this hardcopy system and charge other ISPs for use
    - webpage on aaisp site showing realtime open faults for AAISP, BE, BT and percentile graph for time to fix, number of times fault bounced, etc.

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  3. Why dont you do business like that? Do it! Send the boys round, It might get your further...

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  4. Rally your customers to storm Newgate Street, half of them carrying tar, the other half feathers...

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  5. Why not just keep a tally of fault ages and start billing BT for the £1.50s regardless of what their systems say. Do it one per invoice and then add late payment charges when they're not paid..... Assuming that you can demonstrate the age is >40 hours, it would be interesting to see what a judge makes of that.

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