Tuesday, 4 May 2010

Anal Probing

Well, it is not just restricted to alien abductions. You can have anal probing on NHS or private. We have BUPA through work :-)

The good news is that it was all clear. But if ever you have to have a colonoscopy they are not fun, but not took much hassle either.

Two days before, you have to be on a low residual diet (white meat, fish, nothing with bits int it like jam or nuts). Not any real hassle and not that boring for one day.

One day before is where it gets fun - you go on a liquid diet (clear liquids, not even milk in coffee). I found original lucozade ideal for keeping by blood sugar up without eating. I found not eating for over 24 hours a nuisance.

When you go on the liquid diet you also start with laxatives, and bowel evacuants (Magnesium citrate). You have to stay near a toilet! To be honest I was most apprehensive about going to sleep that night as if you fart in your sleep, well, by that time it is not a fart but a squirt of shitty water, and that would ruin a new expensive tempur mattress. I had to get up a few times in the night but no problems, phew!

The actual procedure involves sedation - it worked fairly well in that the whole procedure seemed to last a few seconds even though it was half an hour, but it was rather uncomfortable. No lasting pain or soreness as a result. They do pump you up with gas though and that is very uncomfortable until you can expel it (having spent the previous 24 hours trying very hard not to fart!). They expect that you will sleep for an hour or two after-wards but I was wide awake.

In my case it seems my symptoms are down to my not agreeing with metformin tablets (for diabetes) so now on more gliclazide instead. I feel a lot better for a simple change in medication. I have an other appointment with the consultant to confirm all is well.

But the upshot is everything looks completely normal. It is reassuring and I am glad I had it done if only for that reassurance.

Needless to say, if you see blood in your poo, talk to your GP. I my case it was simple medication problem, but it could have been a lot worse. A friend of mine (Guy Kewney) stressed how important it is to go to your GP. His funeral was the day before my GP appointment. I suspect that made me a tad more paranoid than usual.

Thanks for all the positive comments from friends, and the suggestion I was being port scanned

Followup 12th: Consultant confirming nothing wrong - and probably caused by a slight tear or some such which has healed, and not a problem. Definitely the right thing to have had it checked out. And what was very interesting was that I am basically not likely to get colon cancel for at least 10 years as it starts with polups of which I have none! So very reassuring and makes the whole thing well worth doing.

P.S. It was £927 but BUPA paid :-)


  1. P.S. By popular demand this page is available on www.bugger.me.uk

  2. Oh, and it was suggested that I should try and irc from the examination table - to show my dedication - but they would not let me take my phone.

  3. Glad to hear you're ok, and that ports have been secured.

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