Friday, 17 March 2017

One size does not fit all

The standard model of grief is Kübler-Ross model. Grief follows Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance.

Clearly it does not always follow that model.

When Thomas died, acceptance of the situation was basically immediate. I know there were a few brief cries of "No!" in the house, but very brief. We all accepted the truth very very quickly. There was no denying it.

Depression has lasted some time - a great sadness - nobody to blame - it happened, It was very very sad. Lots of things have triggered tears for us, in different ways. Sadness abounds. Time marches on.

We accepted it early on, we need to "move on" and "get on with life". That does not fit the model well.

Today Thomas had an autopsy. It was a challenging day for us, we know what it means, and none of us felt we could go and see him yesterday before it happens (it was an option). We have some good pictures of him. This one was edited to remove the tube in his nose, and well done by Glenn for doing that for us. Something to remember him by.

We all accept what happened, but there is the very real chance of a major anger stage depending on the coroner's report. If, in any way, someone was to blame, we will all be very very angry. But that is all on-hold, maybe for weeks. If someone else was to blame, I can see anger for many of us for many years, and that is not healthy. We wait and see.

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