Out of respect

There are a few things that seem like obvious cynical exploitation from time to time.

I remember the whole thing with hospitals not allowing mobile phones, and then charging a fortune to make/receive calls by some means on a ward. (We all know any CE marked equipment has to cope with the RF from the likes of a mobile phone). It moved on a bit to no mobile phones and selling access to video and the like.

The one small saving for the terrible ward on which my father spent his last week is that it simply had free and working WiFi for all patients. I suspect that is because trying to enforce a ban was becoming unworkable. So that was finally sensible.

The latest annoyance that has hit me is that the crematorium do not allow any video or photographs of the service.

Why the fuck not, if you will pardon my annoyance for a moment?

It is "out of respect", apparently.

Hmm, but oh, they offer a streaming and recording service for a small fee.

What a surprise!

Ban the thing that any, and all, the participants could do, basically for free, using their phone, so that you can sell it. Grrr!

So how do I feel about this? Well - if they offered a service that had high quality audio and video, multiple cameras, edited to a nice respectful video of the service, subtitles, etc, for a fee, then why not? And indeed, if they offer a good service there is no need to "ban" anything. It looks like it is just a fixed camera, so would not be better that "someone with a phone".

But banning it "out of respect" is crap. And almost wants me to put something in my will - that I want anyone, and everyone, that can and wants to, to video and stream the service. That way the "respectful" thing would be to allow that, out of respect for the deceased wishes.

So they accept it or change their excuse. They should be honest and say "no video or photographs as we sell a service for that and would not make any money if we allowed it" - not pretend it is anything "respectful" to anyone.

So let me say now - when my time comes, fuck any "service", sort the cremation or whatever is needed as cheaply as possible, and then have a party, a proper party with anyone and everyone welcome, with any streaming, and videos, and photographs, and blackjack, and hookers...

P.S. Update...

1. At the last minute, after paying for streaming and recording (which was used as some people could not make it) they said we could record. But really too late for me to plan sensibly putting in a camera, etc, so we did not record it.

2. As the title of this post is about respect, one has to consider a "celebrant" that does not even check the cause of death before starting a service "Isn't it great, now that covid is over, that we can all be here without masks". The day went reasonably well, as well as you can expect for such things, but that really did grate somewhat.


  1. First, I'm sorry about your dad. It's shit. Second, I think the thing you're looking for in your case is a "direct cremation". It's a recognised term if you want to directly express your wishes. Specifying a direct cremation and a Humanist Celebrant (for example) might make navigating the admin faff easier for everyone left behind.

  2. I'd just take the photos and videos anyway. What can they actually do about it? Call security and kick you all out mid-service?

  3. Once when I was at school I took an IQ test and was told that I had done well, but when I asked for the actual results, I was told that I couldn't see them because "some people don't want to know their results". It was an insultingly idiotic reason because clearly *I* did want to know my results, and what "some people" might want is irrelevant. But of course I was just a kid at school and didn't really have any power to argue the point.

    In the case of the funeral service, there would be a "respect" issue if it was some random guest filming without the approval of the family. But if you *are* the family and want to film, then clearly the reason is nonsense. They could at least do you the courtesy of being honest instead of fobbing you off with a fake reason and assuming you are too stupid to notice.

    1. Unless the celebrant (is that the right word?) didn't want to be videoed - surely recording somebody who didn't want to be recorded is disrespectful?

    2. Except that as soon as money is involved, the crematorium selling a stream service, etc, that "respect" no longer applies. It does seem the only "disrespect" that counts is "not paying money".

  4. It is out of respect! Out of respect for their profit margins, that is.

    (The last streamed funeral I saw, but a month or two ago, had the streaming camera brilliantly located so all you could see was the back of a couple of congregants' heads. Of course as with yours having anything else taking recordings was forbidden "out of respect", so we never caught a glimpse of either the coffin or the friend who's wife had died nor anyone speaking or anything, just a couple of vaguely moving seriously blurred heads with thinning hair. The friend in question said some fairly disrespectful things about the crematorium when he discovered that.)

  5. My mum was in hospital this summer. They allowed mobile phones, but only calls on GSM worked because the concrete walls and probably some film on the windows to reduce solar heat gain blocked 3/4/5G. And there was no wifi for patients. This made a difficult time much harder than it needed to be if they'd had patient wifi or some micro cells.

  6. Companies and corporate cultures come up with all sorts of bullshit reasons for their stupidity. It's certainly not as serious as the arrangements for a funeral, but I can relate that early on in 2020 I ordered some red paint. The supplier sent me black paint. I emailed them asking them to rectify the problem. "It's cos of COVID, so nothing we can do about it, so tough" was the response, presumably thinking I would say "oh, OK". I didn't. Instead I replied with "oh, I didn't realise COVID could make your workers colour blind". Delivery of red paint turned up the next day. Corporate nonsense explanations must be challenged.

  7. Blackjack and Hookers - I can't wait!

  8. Please accept my condolences.

    IMHO it is disrespectful to even have your phone out at a funeral, but I am obviously the odd one out judging by the colourful T-shirts worn by people showing their "respect" to the queen.

    Even if it is a minority that find it disrespectful, that should still take precedence.

    1. I tend to agree on that - my issue is that "respect" goes out of the window the second you are paying the crematorium for streaming/recording. Either it is disrespectful or not, surely - so why does money suddenly change that. And if not disrespectful, why can't the family organise a discrete camera in the corner themselves?

  9. I'm sorry for your loss, and the profiteering attitude of the crem. I lost a friend in 2020, but not being close enough to the family didn't make the list for the service. The wedding video companies had clearly quickly moved into the funeral streaming market - the product was thoroughly confusing - a succession of men I couldn't identify in black suits and black masks suffering pixelation and audio drop outs over a flaky 3G connection from a church in the back of beyond. I'm sure they all said nice things but I've no idea what most of them were.


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