When is a beep not a beep?

I have voicemail on a number of lines, it is simply saying nobody is available to take the call, and then a beep.

However, we have started getting a new type of junk calls for debt management. Like many illegal pre-recording message calls they ask you to press a key to talk to them. That way they do not tie up operators with hang-ups and voicemails and so on. The key they ask you to press this time is 5.

So I changed the "beep" at the end of the message to be a DTMF 5. It's a beep, why not :-)

It worked. Not tying up much time, but better than nothing. I may have to see if I can light up a million numbers or so for a while to work like this just for fun.

MP3 Recording - best so far - well over a minute wasted

Update: The tar-pit is primed - I'll see if I get some nice calls to post indue course.


  1. You should have it do the DTMF 5 first, then the voicemail message saying...
    "Hello? Can you hear me? I'm just driving. Give me 1 minute to stop ... *pause* ... OK. I'm stopped. Can you hear me? *pause*.... I can't hear you. Let me get out of my car and walk around ... *pause* "... etc

    Make it really long, like 10 minutes. See how long you can keep them waiting for

    1. I've done that before, works well, but I am just trying to go for volume now - anonymous calls to any unallocated number (millions) are getting trapped now - lets see :-)

  2. "Hello, please press 5...." /hangup

    Has anyone ever done anything other than that?

    1. Pressed 5 and then given the handset to my 3-year-old

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

  4. "You just pressed 5 to opt in, sir".

    Hmmm, I wonder how far they'll stretch the meaning of "opting in"...

    1. Every few minutes, I'll post a good one shortly...

  5. Yeah I pressed 5 on an accident claims line, then had a good few minutes discussing my 3 accidents with a clearly foreign sounding chap with poor comprehension of what I said.

    He asked about my accidents. So I told him...

    My first was when I "ran out of crisps" (fairly sure he misheard) as I then went on to explain how I didn't mean to, it was an accident and wasn't really my fault.

    He asked about the second, and I said I ran out of biscuits, which was terrible as I don't normally. He seemed a little less convinced now but still not quite penny dropping.

    My third accident was when I "tripped over a tea bag"

    At this point, he twigged, but then we proceeded to have a debate about why I had called, and I pointed out they'd called me, he asked why I pressed 5 then, so I said because you said had an accident and I was guaranteed £3000, and we went around in a loop for a bit, until eventually he told me to "F... off"

    I routinely press 5 now just so they waste a bit more time now. Depending on my mood I either make some some fantasy scenario to keep them on the phone for a bit, or I just wait until they answer and tell them they've had an accident etc etc...

  6. All that effort on rebranding as aa.net.uk and you give out the old address :-)

  7. And the advert accompanying this page? A PPI claim back website.


Comments are moderated purely to filter out obvious spam, but it means they may not show immediately.

Breaking my heart

One of the things I suffer from is tachycardia. My first memory of this was in secondary school, when I got a flat tyre cycling to school an...