Twitter Troll

I am not that good at being a "troll" in that I think a key part of being a troll is lying. Maybe I have that wrong, but I think it is the case, and I am really not good at lying.

Even simple "winding up", the very essence of "trolling", I fall down at.

So when I recently took on the roll of a twitter troll I really was massively out of my depth. It all started with this...

Yes, the popular comic Dilbert had made a reference to a specific twitter user by username, @coffeesixhairs.

By some fluke of timing, when I saw this I went to twitter and somehow the username was available, so I got it. I am @coffeesixhairs!

I decided the name would be "Anonymous Troll" to match the cartoon, and then what should I pick for an image? Well I went for Wally in dark glasses as that would clearly be enough to fool the average PHB.

I did consider only tweeting Wally comments from old cartoons, and I have managed that with the first two tweet replies, just. It seems like it will be a lot of hard work to keep that up, and, much like Wally, I am a bit allergic to hard work.

So I don't really know what to do next - I am not naturally a troll. At least one follower thinks I am in fact Scott Adams, and I feel bad about that. And that is why I am coming clean, to be honest.

Maybe I should sell @coffeesixhairs? Or give it away? Or just delete it? Moral dilemma!

P.S. @coffeesixhairs has 280 character tweeting!!!!


  1. Write a bot that tweets the lines. And attempts to pick the best ones as replies.

    Have a look at the bots of Rob Manuel for inspiration (@clickbaitrobot would be a good place to start)

  2. You've built a home alarm and an ISP. Surely you can automate tweeting Wally quotes?

  3. You don't have to lie to troll people. Inconvenient (for their world view) facts will wind a lot of people up. This is the essence of many twitter storms about Gerbil Worming, viewing as an observer rather than a participant. It takes a certain personality type and associated mindset to be an Olympic standard troller.

  4. Twitter's rules prohibit username squatting or selling.

    1. Interesting. Well, I won't sell it then. But I am hardly "squatting", surely?

    2. Dunno, it's not defined, but it could easily be interpreted that way since you've mentioned selling it and are asking what to do with it.


    3. OK I have decided that am not selling it, and it was not created for the purpose of selling it. It was not created to stop someone else using it, on the basis that Wally is in fact fictional, and that is the person I would be stopping.

    4. Of course, if someone wanted to sell a twitter username they simply have to create a limited company and have the twitter account in the name of that company. They can then sell the company without selling the twitter username.

  5. I expect Wally is irrelevant, it would come down to whether or not Twitter felt that the account was created for the purpose of preventing someone else from using the name, I imagine as a result of someone alleging that.

    The Twitter rules give Twitter an excuse to deal with someone who does register an account and then tries to sell it. Presumably that goes on a lot, people seeing opportunities and trying to profit, like sandbagging domains.

    The rules are not going to stop someone using an out of band method to do that. Similarly I expect many of A&A's terms could be worked around using the same approach.

    Coffee Six Hairs sounds like a posh male grooming and barber shop that servers fancy coffee and has tables and wifi for before and after your session!

    Maybe you can set up the name for your 3D printing and drone rental business and you already have the Twitter account ready to go!


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