We spoke to the funeral directors and they said neither they, nor the crematorium, charge for an infant funeral. I was happy to pay whatever it costs but it is free, which is not something you expect.
But with all of that I want to say how proud I am of my daughter, and how she is coping. In some ways I think she is coping better than I am. Today she has been home and been in to the nursery that they had set up, with all the presents from the baby shower and all the knitting from my wife. They are both getting there and coping really well. They are so strong.
What really made me realise quite how grown up my daughter is, and I did not realise this until now, is that she has the hard choice over Thomas. After over a day not sleeping, in pain from an emergency C Section, and in the early hours of the morning when his heart stopped for the third time, she had to decide if to try and restart it yet again. She said she realised he was gone. She made the right choice, I am sure, but I struggle to understand how I could have faced such a choice myself. There is nothing more grown up I can imagine for my baby girl, or anyone.
And typing this I have set myself off again... Blurred vision once again.
I hope she does not mind me posting this. I really am proud of her.
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